Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize