Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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