Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
