What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
