I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
