dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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