I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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