Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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