he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
