just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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