so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She even gives head with a lisp.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
