Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You work out of a Hotel?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
