if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
