the condom got lost in my hair
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize