it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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