OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
