That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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