I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
