just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
