Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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