Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
