After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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