This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
