I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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