I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
