Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
