He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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