It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
