I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
