You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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