Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
