Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
