so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
