I hope mine doesn't look like that
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
