Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
