brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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