Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
