I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You pole danced in your parka.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
tell me about the eggs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
