You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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