I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
