Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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