96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
