Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
