well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
