I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
