U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
