That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
