$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
