just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
