this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we should paint friendship bongs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
