You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
