if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
