we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
