also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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