He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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