She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
