A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to stop coming to work sober
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
