last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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