i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
