'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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