she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
