the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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